At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
