Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
