So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
