You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
