White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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