last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
FUCK WHALES
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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