from now on my penis is your penis
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We need to rekindle our bromance
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
