just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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