Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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