I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize