had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
