God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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