I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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