I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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