I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
