Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
