She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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