ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize