I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
