Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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