You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
