I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i now understand why vodka
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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