She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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