ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize