remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
