I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
