If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
