saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
