Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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