Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
