You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
