your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
