i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
