I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
