Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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