That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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