Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dick very happy bro
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
