In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
