Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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