Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Farmville is her only friend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
