My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
