just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
