Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
