I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
