no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
