He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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