the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
