# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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