I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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