I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
