just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
