Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
