So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
