hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
