I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
