So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
