well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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