you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize