Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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