i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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