I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
