i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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