you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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