did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
