if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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