Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
